The Antique Road Hoe: a play in four acts

[NOTE - This post is part 1 of a series chronicling a trip to the ARS.]

As you may know, Cara and Tommy's television experience is limited largely to two shows:  Top Gear, and Antiques Roadshow.  A strange pairing to be sure, but both smack of entertaining nonfiction (though Top Gear pushed that boundary pretty far at times), and both feature live studio audiences in favor of laugh tracks.  Thus, it's only natural that we would endeavor to visit the show(s), particularly when one visits our town 'burgh.  That's right ladies and germs, Antiques Roadshow came to Pittsburgh last week, and thanks to Grammy Vera C, we tickets to the big event.

The first thing you must know about Antiques Roadshow, is that Thou Shall Not Forget the Letter "S".  Seriously - it's posted on a big sign by the door.  Something to the effect of "Be sure to remember the S in Antiques Roadshow."  Apparently they have significant problems with people referring to it as Antique Road-how.  Strange.

Anyway - the other rules stipulate that you can bring two items per person, so we rummaged through our stuff for the hidden treasures.  The primary reason for our visit was a rocking chair that we had found some years back via Craigslist.  Thus, we had to round up a few more items to get the best value-for-afternoon possible.   Thus, below is our story, which is hilarious, tragic, and only slightly unnerving.

ITEM No. 4: The Chess Board

It's a chess board.  Inlaid with lots of mother-of-pearl, and with reasonably good craftsmanship.  We know NOTHING about it, aside from the fact it hung on a friend of the family's wall for many years.  It was a tough call between this and an Andrew Wyeth print (from the same estate), but we figured since we were visiting the holy grail of appraisers, we might as well go with the bizarre and unknown, since any gallery can tell us what the Wyeth is worth.

The Appraisal: Act I

YOUNG APPRAISER:  What do we have here?

TOMMY:  You tell me!  It's been hanging on a family friend's wall for years, and was given to me.  We know nothing about it.

YA: What can I tell you about it?

T: Anything?   I'm pretty sure its inlaid Mother of Pearl...

YA:  Well it's a checker board and (rubbing the surface) I'm just feeling here to see what the other squares are.  Onyx perhaps...

T: I think they're just the same black paint that the rest of the board is covered in.

YA: Probably true.  And I'm guessing it is, maybe, 20th century.  So what's it worth?

T: You tell me.

YA:  Well it's pretty.  With black and white squares.  And it's shiny...  So what would you pay for a pretty, shiny, checkerboard?

T: I have no idea.

YA: How about $50 or $100?

T: Sure...

...

THE VERDICT:  Roadshow appraisers are not gods who know all about everything.  In fact this one was likely an intern.  There was little to go on with the chess board, so the appraisal was that it was shiny  and pretty so it might be worth $50.  Cara and Tommy had hoped for a bit more info, but hey, now it can be put back into service as a chess board with no regrets.